Today (yesterday actually) is a super busy day for me as many many many things need to be done in very short period. Even though was a busy day, but I am still quite sensitive on the word/thing of what other people said to me...which make me have some thought..

 

- It should be the time now, however, things are still remain unchanged but not everything. I didn't ask why cos it is not the right time yet and I also afraid that the answer will dissapointed me...I thought I never care so much but deep down I did and I just try to find a thousand reason to disguise how I really feel...I decided to remain silent and do what I still could/suppose to do...

 

- If I was not suppose to go then who else suppose to go? I hope I just misheard that...and be glad that I was busy...if not, I won't end here...and the story definitely will go further...

 

- You can chose not to offer any help, but don't come and mess with me....be considered...cos not everyone could take their work so lightly like you did...

 

- I don't want to be busy if I was given a CHOICE...may be there is, but getting busy is the only way that I could be more focus...and ignore something irritate me...

 

- Before you could do any complicated job, just do the best simple job. Appreciate those who do my simple job with full hearted...even it is so simple but not really eveyone could do it the best. Follow instruction is the most difficult thing in life...I've learned...

 

- I want to go travel, no matter where but definitely not SG...I need a break...may be just a short one without thinking any deadline.

 

- People around me are so lovely which made my day seem better at the end, thanks the "more beautiful" - VN trang, keep chasing one- Jess, never listen one- Alvin, the simple one- Calvin, the cha cha cha - cha, dom dom, DL one -Ning and Shad. Thanks for helping me on my job...really appreciate that...without you team it won't make me this far. You all did a great job really...but need more quality and standard control as well...

 

- At last but not least lor, and the most important one la la la...thanks for the one who give me lifetime special privillage to everything. Sorry for over promising and keep u waited for few time, but I really don't  mean to if I was given a CHOICE...hope to get your understanding...may be next time we give one hr as 缓冲时间..especially this month.

 

So sleepy already....zzz...zzz...zzz..sleepy...sleepy...sleepy...zzz.....tomorrow is another busy day....is time to learn how to delegate job and trust others ... erm... erm... should everyone deserve a second chance? erm...

 

One last thing - sometime if want to be happy, the only thing could do is to overlook on certain things such as imperfection in life and uncontrollable matters like what other people said and done. I just want to be happy and be myself...it is either my way or high way...anyway my way need to pay tol cos everything is about money...money...money...

I should have written this entry last Sunday instead but since can't fight with Granpa Chow and moreover I was busy coaching newbies therefore only drag until today for this 4th years thingy.

 

Time flies, this is my 4th year with the same company, but there are many many changes during these four years, not only the changes of company but as well as my personal career growth. I still remember well about our old office which fit 14 people but still feeling very spacious as compare with the 2 units office which could fit 30 people but already feel crampy. As we are still expanding agressively which has decided to move the desinger team and part of R&D department to upstair office.

 

As for the sales team, there were only two sales when I join the team. Today, included myself, the team has 11 people and still expanding. It is kind a challenge for me to lead a such big team. So far, I think the bigger challenge of managing the team is communication and motivation. Developing plan and strategy is relatively easier because it could be assited by system and guideline. However, when coming to communication and motivation, many uncontrollable factors involved because it is about human's attitude & value.

 

Yesterday afternoon, after laughing so hard with Alice about all nonsense talk then I feel the pain right below my chestbone. Alice told me it should be gastric pain, I didn't take it seriously at first. But, after few hours, it getting worse, so decided to go home and see doctor.

 

After seeing the doctor, the doctor said I have a heartburn then I was like huh..heartburn..when my heart got problem, then only realize that Heartburn is a sympton of gastroesophageal reflux disease. Heartburn is caused when stomach acid refluxes-back up-into the esophagus.

 

Doctor has advised me to avoid few thing in my diet - No Sour, No Spicy, No Milk, No Yogurt for as long as possible. Erh...and the worst is need to stop coffee for sometime also...no coffee no life..I hope this is just a one time thing and won't happen again.

 

I will take this as a warning and I will start to take good care of my health, as I know if once get into this gastric thing it will be attached forever. So, will watch out my eating habit now and try to live a healthy life...with no coffee for one week.....

I DON"T LIKE APRIL....because it is damn stressful....everything happens at the sametime and I have no chance to take a breath...just like today...rushing for meeting after meeting, brain never stop thinking even while driving from one place to another places, every places I am I just think..even in the toilet...anyway, toilet is good place to come out with solution for problem cos can be focused...

 

Too many things need to be done and time is chasing behind of me like bullet train..... my brain is half dead...somemore nowdays only sleep 3hr every night. I hope my brain cell still remain at optimum number. And,  hopefully tonight can get into the bed by 1230am as per "our" time.

 

Many many things are approaching deadline, but before thing can be done, there always something else pop up...nowdays, I have a phobia when people walk close to me and talk to me cos once they talk to me, I know mostly there is something need to be done again....Yes, it feel great when being needed, but when I can't deliver what I suppose to, it become kind of pressure for me.. it stress me to the max...I would like to help, but I only have two brains - left and right brain...and two hands...and ten fingers...

 

When I seek help, the answer I get is " I am busy..." or a blank look on the person face...so ended up I have to do it myself...but again...I ONLY HAVE TWO BRAINS AND TWO HANDS...but I do appreaciate those who did help me regardless is your job or not....

 

Off topic abit - to a person who think we never try to help.. please think twice before saying such stupid thing.. May be the problem is not us....RESPECT and APPRECIATION are two words you might need to learn...don't always look at what other didn't do for you, look at the thing that they have done for you..everyone get paid to do their job..so be fair....no one have the right to say harsh thing to anyone...and I don't give a damn even u are favorable by someone..my personal comment is by using authority might get your job done once...but in this case, you have lost people heart...trust me..no one like to be order to do work..everyone is trying their best to get thing done, please do appreciate that...and don't challenge my patient, I am trying to stay away from this and don't make me get involve because in this case you will go crazy futher more.....and at the end to kill yourself instead the people here...

 

Anyway, I know thing can be done if I really want to..but get thing done is not about how to but is the people who doing it....it really frustrated me....but I still need to stay calm and cool cos I can't affect others with my emotion....stay cool is the only thing I could do....but actually where all my emotion goes? It goes inward...and I believe sooner or later I will get a tumor in my body.

 

DAMN the F**king Stressssss.....I just want to be HAPPY and ENJOY my life.....LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE DAMN STRESS.....HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...and JUST BE HAPPY.... 

 

Tomorrow is Friday again....cos now already 1:20am of Thursday morning..haiz..again, can't make it as I planned...zzz...I want to eat 密瓜 la.....

I really though that you were just trying to fool me on 1138pm of 1st April. So, I congratualated you with a smile, after three days, you told me the same thing but I was really shocked.

 

Everything is just so sudden, I really can't adjust myself for this immediately, but now I am happy for you cos EVERYTHING YOU DO I WISH....and I am sure that it is a good thing happen in life for you even it came a bit early as planned. C'est la vie.

 

By the way, even I have mentioned to close the door, but I didn't ask you to lock the door. It seem that your can't understand me because your english level is really not that good. Please go and study more English cos you have to start become someone important in life.

 

At last but not least, really happy for you lah, really lah....even my face didn't show because I was being shocked like hell. Anyway, since already locked then make it locked for the life, don't simple unlock and open the door cos this is a commitment of life time and you have made the call. You know that, I always here for you either you need me or not because I always made you my priority in life.

 

So, JUST BE HAPPY and LOOKING FORWARD TO NEW LIFE.

Don't know why, I can't get myself out from the conversation that we had early tonight, it keep bugging me on my way back home.

 

You asked me did I close my door and I answer no but I am also not open the door widely as well. It is not totally because of that reason you have stated, I know clearly of what I want and I am still working out to get my door close, but as many things need to be handle at the same time, this door thing won't be my priority but trust me I am still working hard on this until the time is right. After all, this is not the thing which bothering me...

 

It is something that I asked you back that did you close your door? I was suprise when you said your door is still open, then I asked would you allow him to do so as well? And your answer even shock me (value shock) by saying as long as we have no commitment, I was wondering, aren't you guys in a relationship which is kind of commitment as well. If both of you still keep door open, then what is the relationship for, and what is the meaning of this relationship